The Predictions

1. The economy will continue getting worse and worse and worse and then bounce and then get worse….
2. Blu-ray will continue to dominate the high-def market since it’s the only one left.
3. Lynx will produce yet another 10 different scents. Predicted for 2009 are: Horny Leopard, Masturbating Monkey and Whore Magnet.
4. Ethical eating will make a big entrance then fade into obscurity due to people not having enough money to eat healthily (see point 1).
5. NOFX will be awesome when James and I go to see them.
6. There will be a surge of articles for Renyi to edit, then exam time will be over and the number of articles will dwindle.

Christmas is wrongly perceived to be the celebration of a Jew - born to a virgin, in a stable - during a very busy tourist season (modern scholars believe mid-June), about 2000 years ago in Bethlehem.

In fact, the celebration of a festival around the 25th of December dates much further back. Similar to most Christian festivals, Christmas was a way of splicing their belief system with all the others around at the time (it just makes good sense to have a holiday when everyone else is having one). Here are a few examples:

Saturnalia is the feast with which the Romans commemorated the dedication of the temple of the god Saturn, which was on 17 December. Over the years, it expanded to a whole week, up until 23rd December.

Yule is a Germanic festival which took place between late December and early January.

Hanukkah - yep, the Christians couldn’t even be discrete about this one. Taking place on the 25th day of Kislev, Hanukkah celebrates some Jewish miracle or other. If I am honest, the Torah is a very big book and I am a very busy person. I know it has something to do with oil…and that they get to eat food resembling doughnuts.

There are others…

So, kipping past that - What is Christmas, in the modern sense?

Christmas is a festival where we celebrate consumerism. This is not me being cynical. Every year, we spend billions on presents, decorations, food and drink. For one day we have a day off while we exchange gifts, eat lots of food and if you are anything like me, pass out by three in the afternoon after a bit too much champagne.

Then there is Boxing Day or as millions of Britons call it, “Let’s Spend More Money Day” where everything is slightly cheaper, in more ways than one. This very fact has led me to the conclusion that the new modern definition of Christmas is: ‘A festival where people take a break to reflect on the modern capitalist society and what they want out of it.’

One final note - Santa Claus. An old man who breaks into children’s houses late at night and leaves them presents if they have been “nice”… Which genius thought that one up?

]]> http://www.theallnighter.net/jamie/of-christmas/feed http://www.theallnighter.net/jamie/how-jamie-pulls-all-nighters http://www.theallnighter.net/jamie/how-jamie-pulls-all-nighters#comments Mon, 08 Dec 2008 14:33:11 +0000 Jamie http://www.theallnighter.net/?p=386 Well… I’ve done it again. For what I think is the 6th time in the past 8 weeks, I have been up all night programming, designing and generally working on my final year project. Not that this wasn’t all fun…

Oh Dear....

So, let’s see.

23:48 - I start work.

01:57 - About two hours later. I have written 4,000 words of my project report. In context, that is about 25-30% of the document. And in another context, I already had 3,400 words at the start of the night.

05:43 - Quarter-to-six in the morning. At this point, I had achieved what in computer science terms is known as a fuck-code, or a programming code of which 75% is pointless, buggy and basically stupid. The other 25%, however, was genius and created some really nice graphs. This pleased me.

08:40 - I had eaten breakfast. Unfortunately, I think the general wear and tear from sleep deprivation and coffee break at 2 a.m. were starting to set in. Breakfast news shows were starting to annoy me, a clear sign that I was in a great deal of self-inflicted pain.

11:36 - I was in uni, preparing for my meeting. It all went well once I got into my stride and I don’t think I came off at all sleep-deprived. My hair is inexplicable, though.

13:32 - I tried to go to sleep, I really did. But James hasn’t shared his TV yet, so I have no mindless comedy to watch. Ah well, I’m sure it will catch up with me eventually.

Night-night all, night-night.

And then this morning, I got a phone call that brightened my day.

Picture the scene: I am lying in bed watching Friends when ‘London Bridge’ starts playing. Knowing that my phone is ringing, I spring up out of bed and pick up my phone. The number on the front is not one I recognise, so I hesitantly press ‘Answer’.

There is loads of background noise and I can barely hear the caller. After a few seconds of “Hello? Excuse me?” I manage to decipher the call…

Me: Hello?

Caller: Hello, Tim?

Me: Hello?

Caller: Tim, There seems to be a shortage on engine 3. *static* Sierra, Main….

Me: I think you have the wrong number.

*Cuts Out*

…20 Seconds Later….

Me: Hello?

Caller: Hello, Tim?

Me: I’m not Tim!

Caller: Sorry, I have the wrong number again…

*Cuts Out*

After the calls, I decided to plug the number into Google to see what came up: Toyota Car Manufacturing UK.

So, Tim, if you are listening, change your contact details! And there also seems to be a shortage on engine three…

The diet is going well - sort of. I had to resort to some cheap carbs at 3 a.m. this morning due to there being a distinct lack of food available (a note to all who will follow me in generations to come: plan ahead!).

There was a slight mishap while preparing these carbs; I have created the formula below to explain it:

Sleep Deprivation + Caffeine + Lack Of Food = Weird Stomach = Need to Make Food + Sleep Deprivation = Smoke Alarm at 4 a.m.

Thankfully, none of my housemates were woken by the early alarm, which in itself is quite alarming!

Coming Up…

I am hoping that my sleep patterns will settle down over the next day or two, otherwise there might be some problems. I’m hoping today is just a transition period… Stay tuned!

However, I have been thinking about a lifestyle that is within these constraints: the lifestyle of the Healthy.

So, all… I am here today to announce an experiment. I, Jamie, am going to do something a little drastic. I am going to attempt to sleep well and eat healthily.

‘What is this madness?’ you ask. Well, I have recently been reading 40 Sleep Hacks - The geek’s guide to optimizing sleep as well as a few other articles on the subject and have concluded one thing… I don’t sleep well at all!

In light of this revelation, I am going to attempt to follow the advice of this book, in the hope that I can sleep well, wake up, actually be productive and get some comedy out of the situation.

So what will this involve?

Diet

Apparently, my diet is not suited to sleep. In fact, judging by what I have been reading, it’s downright destructive! In this case, I am going to put myself on a strict diet of - *shudder* - fruit and vegetables, one portion of carbs a day and let’s not forget the lovely portion of protein!

In addition, I am going to attempt to eat as much unprocessed food as possible. At first, I thought that since I rarely eat processed foods, this shouldn’t be too hard. However, it turns out by “processed”, the authors meant “cooked”. So while I still intend to cook my chicken, I am going to narrow down the number of vegetables that I cook.

Oh… and I am actually going to start eating breakfast!

Sleeping Habits

No more sleeping in for me (for a while, anyway). The plan is to wake up at the same time each day, regardless of how much sleep I have actually had. This is to trick my body into a routine.

Napping is apparently an essential part of the sleep cycle. I am planning to continue my tradition of afternoon naps; these will, however, be limited to 25 minutes and will be caffeine-controlled.

Note: By caffeine-controlled, I mean I will drink some coffee straight before my nap - caffeine takes approximately 30 minutes to take effect, so it should stop me entering a deep sleep. Now, I realise caffeine isn’t one of the best things I can put into my body, but let’s just assume that it is.

The Challenge

Here is where the humour starts! The idea is to try the aforementioned routines for a total of about two weeks, starting today - Monday, the 17th of November.

I will be updating my progress with posts, pictures and maybe even some videos! You will get to experience the ups and downs, the trials and tribulations of this experiment, and will probably watch me fail disgracefully. You have all seen the BBC Three documentaries, so you will know what to expect: initial enthusiasm, the first fall, the expert interviews, the second rush, dramatic event, reflection and personal growth.

So, enjoy the coming fortnight… I know I probably won’t!

By the way, I am finishing this post of at 2:15. I am going polyphasic for the next few days to reboot my sleep schedule… this should be fun

I just wanted to apologise for the complete lack of any visible articles recently. And I thought you deserved an explanation:

• James - This main contributor has been off with his head in the clouds - feverish clouds, that is. He’s been coughing and sneezing and moaning and then drinking… a dangerous cycle. He should be back in action soon; either that, or he’s still playing Far Cry 2…
• Gazz - In all fairness, Gazz has been very busy yelling at everyone else to write articles.
• Anthony - We last saw him going south on the A42 last Wednesday, on the 5th of November. He is currently believed to be hiding out in the West Midlands under the name ‘Captain Eric Malvoy’.
• Tristan - Did you honestly expect anything from Tristan?
• Jamie - I’m in the middle of a very very big project and don’t have any time to be writing articles… Oh.
• Renyi - Her work has been nonexistent recently - although no one has written anything. What’s an editor to do??? (Please don’t hate us, oh mighty editor!)

So those are our excuses… Judge us fairly. As Christmas approaches and the exam period beckons once more, this site should be filled with articles - because all of us are workaphobes.

Unrelated Photo Of A Bulgarian Ski Resort

Apple. Apple Apple Apple. I can’t stand Apple. Well, not so much Apple. What I don’t get is Apple fanboys. You know the type, nerds, standing in line for fourteen hours waiting for the latest Apple i-crap, spending thousands of pounds on technology which looks nice but is ultimately the worst-performing device for the target market.

Let’s look at an example: The Apple iGoat

The Apple iGoat was a major disappointment when it first came out, lacking several features that its rivals the Microsoft GLine and Samsung’s Project7 possessed.

*** Edited: The Rest Of This Post Has Been Edited Because I Am Afraid Of Apple’s Legal Department***

So, as I was saying. Apple provides quality products that are both well-designed, functional and beat every competitor on the market.

Their devices are fairly priced and are in no way a rip-off or an insult to the millions of lower class income families in the United States after they allegedly failed to declare hundreds of thousands of dollars in taxable income.

So, to conclude… Apple are Great! And in no way is Steve Jobs an arrogant megalomaniac with aspirations to be crowned the greatest douche of the 20th century.

Editor’s note: This post was edited and proofread on a MacBook, by an Apple fangirl.

1. A Park - The grass, the trees, the commuters on their way to work; nothing says ‘What a fucking night’ like waking up in a tree. Bonus point for sticking around and laughing at the work-bound people.
2. A Different Town/City/Country - You must have been completely wasted last night! Now you are stuck in a random town with no money and your phone is dead. Better get hitchhiking back… but what a story to share.
3. A Random House - No, you did not get lucky last night. You just completely lost track of where you were and ended up in a random house. Luckily, most of us students are kind and will laugh it off the next morning.
4. In the City Centre - “Oooh, Burger King. Wait! I know that Burger King… Wait… Why am I outside Burger King?” - You just stopped on your way home; never mind, at least you know the way. Better get walking.
5. Damn, I’m out at 5… I’ll finish this off once I’ve woken up in a few more places.

There have been several (drunken) nights (/mornings) where the topic has come up, but up until now I don’t think I have ever given a coherent answer. Following is a description of my type (punctuated with experiences of the exact opposite).

My type of girl is:

Intelligent - Maybe it is just me but I find nerdiness attractive. They must like reading. I don’t care what. A willingness to learn new things, challenge their own views, accept different points of views. An example of the opposite of this would be a conversation I overheard two people in a canteen having.

Girl : I would love to join a book club…but then you have to read, and most of the books have underlying messages and philosophies which I will never pick up on
Guy : Yeah, I know what you mean, I am quite happy to stick with the £2.99 basic fiction books, nice and straight forward.

Girl: Yeah.

Seriously. What the fuck? From what I can figure out, she wanted to join a book club that read basic trash fiction and on top of that, you don’t want to have to read the damn book! Needless to say, I didn’t bother trying to listen in further.

Quirky - I hate normal, definition by imitation. The quirks in people are the best bits. Someone who thinks watching squirrels frolicking in the middle of a deserted park is a perfectly acceptable way to spend dawn.

Now there is a kind of loop hole here. There is quirky and then there is just plain annoying. I will be the first to admit I don’t have a fashion sense, at all. Most of my clothes are the same so I don’t have to worry about what to wear on a given day. So being told by a girl while I was out at a club that I looked hotter without my jacket was quite an insight - For my following point to make sense you should know I have a very self centered locus of control, I hate not being in control - So where was I, oh yeah the hotness remark, so she told me that I looked hotter without my jacket. She then decided to make it her mission to remove me from my jacket.

Note i said “remove me from my jacket” not “taking my jacket off me.” I have never sobered up faster in my life, not because this girl was quite hot and seemingly interested, no, I sobered up because I had lost control over the situation. For the next 2-3 minutes, I was worrying about where my fucking jacket was.

So yeah, quirky, but not in a way that invades my control space!

Stupid - Having done some extremely stupid things in the last few years I find it hard not to be attracted to someone who has done the same.

I should probably define stupid here. Stupid as in, will burst out laughing when they realise they have woken up in the middle of a field with no idea how to get home. Maybe stupid is the wrong word, a better way to put it would be “Ability to identify and accept their own stupidity)

Here I shall give an example of the good kind of stupidity. In a club a few weeks back, actually, I just realised I can’t actually describe to you what happened leading up to this incident because I don’t actually remember.

Guess I will just have to describe the act in a sentance. Ballroom dancing to 90’s cheese.

Now onto the specifics….

Ok…so there above are three very general concepts, now onto the specifics:

• Left Wing
• Interested in politics/philosophy/culture
• Atheist/Agnostic/Anything that is not a mainstream Abrahamic religion. Deists welcome.
• They have to like penguins.
  
• Slightly goth/punk is a plus but not essential
• Musical - Being able to play an instrument, even if it’s as crappy as I play the guitar, is definitely another plus.
  

In Conclusion…

If anyone knows where I can find the girl described above….please let me know.