The Difference Between Men And Women
By Anthony • Jun 29th, 2008 • Category: ArticlesMy contributions to this website of late - contributions that you are all sorely missing, I am sure - have been fuelled both by my laziness, as with the rest of the staff, and the fact that I am in Spain. I’m sure my actions can be forgiven on that basis alone. Since I love you all, however, I’ve decided to write this post from the cyber cafe in my Spanish town.
And you’d better all be grateful because this keyboard is weird as shit.
So, onto gender. I have decided to bring to your attention the differences between men and women that some of you may not consider all too often:
Public erections versus periods
Men have penises. It leads to public erections. Whilst women don’t have penises, and therefore don’t have to suffer through “flying their main flag” in sight of others, they still have vaginas and have to bleed once a month. I’m honestly not sure which is worse. Women will tell you that the latter is far worse, but they’re always whining about something (See the next point) so I’m not sure I can trust their judgement.
Women have sanitary products that all but eliminate the publically noticable side-effects of their particular problem. Wouldn’t it be great if there was some kind of pad we could wrap around our penis that would stop other people being able to see when we start straining at the fabric for no reason?
Sobbing like a fool versus being awesome
I’ve noticed that women like to moan about things. Wearing your heart on your sleeve may be useful in a councilling session, but when men like me have to sit near anyone who’s being emotional, it’s balls. First of all, I don’t know how to deal with that shit, because I never experience it myself. Second of all, no-one likes someone else being down because it becomes less fun to be with them. Crying, or being upset, or angry, and expecting someone to “be there for you” is a sure-fire way to alienate male friends who aren’t gay or extremely camp.
Fashion versus not giving a shit
I have nothing against men being fashionable. There is a whole science of men’s fashion that I enjoy myself, even if I don’t partake in it very often. However, men are perfectly capable of living their entire life without trying to be fashionable. As long as they’re wearing simple clothes, plenty of girls will look their way and they’ll be happy. Women, on the other hand, seem to devote a significant portion of their time solely to fashion. The vice gripping so many female minds somehow convinces them that they have to look fashionable to be noticed. How many of them have realised that in today’s fashionable world, simple clothes would actually stand out more? Probably not many.
Although born and bred in Epsom, the fair but extremely poor and disease ridden land of Cornwall is now known as home. A general aversion to sand (Because it gets everywhere you don't want it to get.) and the sea in general (Because that shit's salty, dawg.) make my choice of home a little questionable. But it's simple, really: I like cows.
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Chris Rock has interesting views on the differences between men and women:
When a man’s friends meet his girlfriend for the first time they might say something like: “Oh, she’s real nice, I wanna get me someone just like her”. Whereas when a woman’s friends meet her boyfriend for the first time their reaction is “that guy is real nice, I’m gonna get me HIM!”. Every woman has a good girlfriend which they don’t trust around their man, they could be good girlfriends too. They’ll go shopping with her, but they won’t leave her alone with their boyfriend for 5 minutes!
Let’s counter point this from a woman’s perpective, shall we:
1) Yeah, fine, whatever: you have an embarassing moment for 5 mintues but we get at least 5-7 days of pain every month. It actually hurts you know! It also adds up to a lot of money which we’d rather spend on clothes. Not to mention it’s all part of the giving birth process which will hurt like anything so basically girls have it far worse. You may say being hit in the balls hurts far more but we all know the pain subsides in half hour give or take.
2) Crying is a girls way of letting out emotions is a calm fmanner. Unlike the Males who resort to punching the shit out of each other to get their view across. In a simple way crying is less painful than having to break your knuckles.
3. Girls will spend a fortune on clothes and accesories: Fact but we do it for good reasons. We do it so we look amazing. That random girl you walk by in the street that you think is hot: In reality if it wasn’t for the expensive clothes she wears, the shit loads of makeup on her face she’d probably look shit.
The simple stuff you see actually cost alot more than it looks and that’s why it stands out from the rest. It must also me noted that guys who don’t spend their money on clothes spend it on video games and we find it hard to understand why you buy the same game for 3 different gaming systems.
Actually. The pain from getting hit in the groin doesn’t always subside and can actually lead to some serious problems in that region in later life.
Most guys I know don’t beat the shit out of each other when they get upset. They listen to music at some god forsaken volume, play a violent video game and usually feel a lot better afterwards. Ahh GTA. the cure to everything.
I don’t know anyone that will actually purchase the SAME game for three different systems. That makes literally no sense. Most people will buy a game for one console and download it if it comes out on PC. Therefore only spending the money once.
I also know plenty of girls who look absolutely awesome and don’t wear much makeup or spend fuck loads on clothes.
“Lawyered” What up.