Only the more well-off amongst us can afford a clock radio for our nightstands to wake us up in the morning. I know at least one member of The All Nighter Staff uses a small dog with a wristwatch to awaken them from their slumber (hit and miss, but better than nothing).

However, I have realised that I have become increasingly annoyed with morning radio shows, particularly on BBC Radio 1. I have only had a clock radio for a matter of months, but my experiences in that time allow me to tell you that morning broadcasts leave little to be desired.

As much as I like Chris Moyles, he does not make decent morning radio. Okay, okay, this is perhaps a little unfair as I have not as yet detailed the requirements for what makes good morning radio.

A show must:

• Be lively enough that it actually motivates my lazy ass out of bed
• Contain enough music I want to hear (as with ANY station)
• Be presented by interesting characters
• Not contain enough advertisements to make my ears bleed
• Generally get my day off to a cheerful start.

Now, against this, I can offer up a considered review of the Moyles show:

1. Liveliness - FAR FAR FAR FAR FAR too much talking and dicking about. These guys CAN be funny, but the actual funny bits are hidden away amongst the drab, tasteless, and often offensive humour. However, there is a time and a place. I don’t really want to be woken by three grown men just having a chat.
2. Music - Barely in existence. This appears to be a mainly chat-based show. Bad broadcasting. Music will wake me up, whereas chatting will just give me freaky dreams.
3. Characters - Okay, here they are actually not bad.
4. Advertisements - The BBC famously contains no adverts other than those directed towards their own shows (not really adverts, more like reminders). This I like - advertisements (although the driving force of all sports funding) are the bane of my life and I find myself making a constant effort to ignore them.*
5. Cheeriness-ometer -If it doesn’t wake me up, how can it make me cheery? If anything, it angers me because it HASN’T woken me up.

Arbitrary Score: 3/10

*On a side note, ANYONE who hears the first 5 notes of a certain advert then sings “I’m lovin’ it” should be executed on the spot. Alternatively, anyone who finishes off “Autoglass repair, autoglass replace” is a total doofus and should not be allowed access to the media with such a gullible mind.