Men’s bathrooms are not the most pleasant of places one can visit, but a growing trend which has become more of a personal pet peeve has taken my attention recently. The number of gentlemen who visit the little boys’ room to “drain the main vein”, then leave before washing their hands, is astounding.
A quick Google search returned an article which stated that 8 in 10 Americans wash their hands. But purely through personal observation, I can firmly state that this figure is bullshit! I would venture to estimate that the figure would be closer to 3 or 4 in 10.

By now, I’m sure you are questioning why I am so concerned with the health and wellbeing of others who take the personal decision not to engage in personal hygiene. The answer is simple: these people leave the bathroom to go and interact with other members of society, and it is DIRTY! I don’t want to shake hands with someone who has still got knob juice all over their fingers, even worse, cock slobber which may have been present from hours before.

It is for this reason that I am spearheading a compaign to flat out TELL people (rather than encourage) to wash their hands after handling the python. I propose signs in restrooms up and down the country. Ranging from small stickers on mirrors saying “Wash Your F*#%ing Hands” to A3 posters with catchy slogans such as “We Dont Rub Against Your Crotch So Dont Rub Your Crotch On Us”, or for those in food preparation, “Don’t Touch Stock If You’ve Touched Cock” or “Don’t Just Rince Then Put It In The Mince”.