Picture the scene: You are at your favourite club or bar and the night is going well. That attractive girl you’ve had your eye on for a while seems to be interested. You make a beeline for the bar to grab yourself a alcoholic beverage when… ARGH!!!. Some fucker pushes in and gets served first. The night is ruined, you go home alone and spend the next day being sick into the toilet. Two weeks later you fail all of your exams and end up working as a low level programmer for a struggling software company. All of this could have been avoided if some simple bar etiquette had been followed.

I will present this useful guide to you in the form of scenarios so you can easily apply them when you are half cut in that skank hole called Tiger Tiger.

Scenario 1: The Johnny Come Lately

The basic definition of a Johnny Come Lately is when you are patiently waiting at the bar, some one joins the queue after you and gets served first. This can be stopped in one of two ways:

Firstly, the bar staff should have enough common sense to keep an eye on who is waiting and be a couple of customers ahead. I have never worked behind a bar but remembering who’s next is not exactly rocket science when you are waiting for a pint glass to fill up.

Secondly, the person who came late should have the common decency to point to the customer who was there first and tell the bar staff to serve that person. There are only two kinds of people who intentionally break this rule: Little whores living off of mummy’s money and guys who have 4 popped collars.

Here is a handy cut out image to illustrate this scenario:

Next week: Ice Ice Baby