When a public figure dies or a child gets abducted, how long before it is acceptable to joke about it?
Everybody gets a text sent to them after somebody dies with an often hilarious joke about the circumstances surrounding that person’s death but even as you read, you feel a pang (even a real word?) of guilt.

There are two main statements that get thrown around when joking about dead people:

1. Give them some respect.

2. They’re dead therefore they don’t care.

I would like to believe the second point prevails more often than not. You are not hurting anybody by sending round your awesome, well thought out jokes so why feel guilty? It would be a different matter however if I sent the following to Madeline McCann’s parents:

“Knock Knock,
Who’s there?
Not Maddie”

That could be seen as inappropriate but I guess her parents do need some cheering up. The millions of pounds they have raised probably aren’t doing much good.

Normally I would have a complex formula to calculate how long after the event it becomes appropriate to joke about it but I am lazy so here is a handy guide using real life events as an example:

Death of an actor/actress (e.g. Heath Ledger): Next day.
Death of a celebrity (Jeremy Beadle): Same day.
Death of a public Figure (Pope John Paul II): Next day (he died at night so not a lot of joke texting time).
Child Abduction (Maddie): A week at the absolute maximum.
Natural Disaster (Tsunami): Next Day.
All others (Shuttle Columbia): However long it takes to send a text.
This one got sent to me yesterday:

There’s a big barbeque next week at Maesbrook House. The last one was awesome, went like a house on fire, but no fosters left by 4.30 am.

Now that is pretty funny you have to admit….

Lastly, a quick message to the people who fall into the “It’s sick and horrible blah blah fuckity blah”. I know for a fact you chuckle or laugh at the joke before judging us all to hell. The “I’ll gauge everybody elses reaction before laughing (IGEERBL)” method does not work. If you want some cheering up I have made a wax work of Gary Glitter shoving Madeline McCann into a sack.

I’m going to hell for this.