Welcome to yet another regular feature on The All Nighter that will provide you with the knowledge you need to lead a sinless life without suffering the persecution of the rest of society.

This week on When to hide being religious: The Job Interview.

The hardest part of climbing the career ladder is the job interview. If done well you can get the job of your dreams, but if you do not impress your potential employer you will be forever cast out and God does not look favourably on failures. These guidelines should of course be used in conjunction with the ten commandments.

Here are the answers you should and should not give to the following interview questions:

1. What previous experience do you have in the field of Network Security?
DO NOT SAY: “When Jesus rode through Rome on the back of his steed. He did not stumble or lose his way, for he had Google Maps illuminating the path in front of him” : - Book of Brandine 23:2

DO SAY: I have 5 years experience auditing the security for Intel’s LAN at their Basingstoke headquarters.

2. Do you have any extreme political or religious views?

DO NOT SAY: I am a christian.

DO SAY: I tolerate all religions and political views. (It is very important that this lie works as most jobs hinge on your ability to be a convincing liar.)

3. What made you want to join this company?

DO NOT SAY: I noticed you operate on Sundays so through a series of Union rallies and bible readings, I hope to rectify this so you do not all burn in the hell fire.

DO SAY: I agree with your 7 day week policy and will always be committed to aiding SATAN the company in all it’s ventures.

4. What is your biggest weakness?

DO NOT SAY: “If I must boast, I will boast of the things that show my weakness.” - 2 Corinthians 11:30

DO SAY: Like all functional members of society, my dependency on alcohol is probably my biggest weakness. Do not expect me to have a high work rate on a Monday morning but be assured, my one night stand with Sarah from human resources will not affect my work.

5. Do you have any questions for me?

DO NOT SAY: Have you accepted Jesus as your Lord and saviour?

DO SAY: Ask about the promotion and wage prospects as any boss will hire you if he believes you to be greedy or sinful in any way.

These five questions will always come up in an interview so it is important to remember the answers provided. God will always save those that use their initiative for financial gain.

Next week: In the Supermarket