5 Things I have Learnt From Student Media
By Jamie • May 9th, 2008 • Category: Articles- Every Large Company Is Evil - Yes that is right you may not know it but every company larger than Mr. Patel’s local corner shop is evil, lying, murderous bastards out to get you and everyone around you.
How can you stop this from happening? Its very simple, dress up silly, have a little protest and launch a 2 hour boycott against random product X until you find an company even more devious. - Every Religion Is Oppressed - No matter if your Muslim, Catholic or Canadian it seems that every religion in the UK is being oppressed by Freethinking, Intelligent people like myself. How does the student media suppose we solve this? Oppress my rights instead! See everyone is happy.
- Every Political Party Is Evil, Apart From the Lib Dems. - Ah, democracy. The staple diet of modern students. It seems the student media love this hobby as long as your voting for the right party.
Regardless of experience or policy feasibility every student must vote Liberal Democrat or be branded a fascist, nazi or “Hey You! Over There , Get Out Of My Underwear Drawer” - Every Government Official Wants To Increase The Drinking Age - That’s right, apparently the government are going to ignore the economic disaster that would be raising the drinking age and are going to go full steam ahead with it anyway. I did a tiny bit of number crunching and worked out that if this was to go ahead the local Students Union would lose about 225 thousand pounds in the first week.
Please bare in mind that I grossly underestimated the number of students who drank and the price of the average student pint. And this figure doesn’t include the number of other bars and clubs in a typical student town. That seems like an awful big economic risk, but the student media have their best minds on the job so the sources of their information must the best in the business. - Every Media Outlet Is Being Censored All The Time By them - That’s Right, whether you are reading your local Independent, or Browsing BBC News everything you read is being carefully controlled by them. If you are unaware, them is a secret global organisation that only students and the occasional 40 year old virgin can sense. They control everything from the media to how many people look at you on your way to lectures.
How can you stop them? There seems to be only one way to get around the censorship….publish articles about them. For some reason this all powerful global organisation seem unable to stop people from exposing their activities.
Jamie Is Awesome. Enough said really. If there was a prize for the most awesome person in the universe...ok it probably wouldn't go to him, Neal Patrick Harris and Hugh Laurie would beat him hands down but Jamie would come in a close 67th.
After a tabloid scandal involving a heavy night of drinking, a church and a teacup he was confined to the darkness of the computer lab where he spent many a day and night perfecting his coding ability.
His amazing ability to code like no man before or after him led to the invention of not only this website but several other pointless sites.
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