I have to admit that I didn’t buy an XBox 360 with the sole intention of purchasing games off of the online marketplace. However, I found myself today playing a game which Microsoft deemed “Retro” but in which I could find no single aspect of culture which provided me, as the gamer, with a heightened sense of nostalgia or joy in the fact that I was interacting with it.

The game, Sensible World Of Soccer first caught my eye and I was immediately reminded of old greats such as International Superstar Soccer (ISS) Pro or FIFA 95. On first inspection the game seemed to be antique but with a charm of its own. I chuckled as I noticed the Danish keeper was called V. Schamauchal. Then disaster struck…

As everyone is no doubt aware, when you play a demo you tend to button bash before actually looking at the controls because it doesnt really matter. After a few short minutes which felt like an hour, I worked out that there is one single button for “Shoot/Pass/Slide Tackle” and the left stick just moves the player.

Now to the interesting bit. I never managed to actually score a goal, though I witnessed countless shots sail into the top corners of the net from the opposing team. It seemed that every time my players entered the other half if you tried to get them to change direction they would inexcusably leave the ball rolling while they ran off like they had left the gas on. On the one occasion that I did, in fact manage to approach the six yard box I focused all my attention on simply hitting the “Shoot/Pass/Slide Tackle” button (or magic button as I have taken to calling it) but instead of shooting the ball towards the net (even a pass would have done), my player decided that scoring a goal was not very sporting and for no good reason turned and pelted the ball back towards the centre of the pitch.

If I were to invest in any game, it would not be this one, due to its lack of… anything. I’m sure that this game will have a following of spotty kids who think the game is awesome just to be different, and there are no doubt web forums which have been set up, full of specky cunts discussing the intricacies of the game and putting reason to why it is a good thing that you can play a game of football with the abject inability to score (not unlike Luca Toni, but that’s another matter).

All in all I give this game -3/10, and I demand a refund of my time from the manufacturer.

The university year is over, people are going off to work, it’s Monday. Expecting an article under these conditions is a bit rude I think….but because all you lovely people have asked for it I have decided to write one for you.

So…what’s new in the world today? *rifles through the morning newspapers* Ah ha…the petrol talks have resumed so hopefully the hard done by tanker drivers will get their £36,000 a year instead of the measly £32,000 they are on now.

That’s the papers, now what? Theoretically I could leave it here but I feel that I have cheated you out of an article…hmm

Anyone see the game last night? It was quite interesting. Of course I am talking about Turkey vs. Czech Republic. That game couldn’t have been any more interesting. The Czechs went up 2 goals. Then ended up losing 3-2. Turkey had their keeper sent off in the last minutes of the game. There were yellow cards being thrown around everywhere, even at players who weren’t on the pitch. It was in all a good game.

So I think I will leave you there. We have a few good Articles coming your way over the next few weeks including more Cooking With Jamie, Bar Etiquette and general fun from The All Nighter team.

Oh one last note: Can the person who please found this site by Googling “im 42 and look like shit. the skin on my face is dull” step forward, you deserve a prize or something. That was probably the funniest search log I have ever read.

Today Gazz, James and Myself sat down to watch the FA Cup Final between Cardiff and Portsmouth. Now I am pretty vague on the rules of football but as I understand it Cardiff started off with a good River City Relay but Portsmouth countered with a good Defensive Zone Face Off.

After that, Portsmouth used their front seven to increment the numbers on the top of the screen, leaving Cardiff with only Triangle Offense combined with a Neutral Zone Regroup. It was quite a good first double quarter.

Unfortunately, it went downhill for Cardiff from there, ending: 1-0 to Portsmouth.

In any case here are some photos from our nice drunken afternoon.

Gazz enjoying a John Smith’s and a quiche during the Second down.

Jamie concentrating on Joe “The Hurricane” Ledley’s dismount after a crucial tackle.

James drinking the same traditional double quarter beverage as the FA Cup players.

Unfortunately Tristan and Anthony could not join us for the event as they were injured while providing sniper support for the riot police during the recent clashes in Manchester where Scottish football fans destroyed 23% of the city.