Now, this is hot topic at the moment, it is being splashed over the front pages like roadkill on a headlight. The New York Times had “Gingers… Past Present, Future?”. And the West Morland Gazette (yes it’s real) lead with the article “Man Lights Cigarette With Own Head”. But what are these people? Where did they come from? And how are they so accepted as citizens in modern society? This article will attempt to trace the Ginger lineage to discover the exact point in history where they were bred.
This would probably be a good time in which to specify exactly what is meant by the term “Ginger”. There are, of course, many different terms used in modern English, there are the more popular “Fire Head” and Ging”, ranging down to the less popular “Ginjaleous” and the more bizzare “King Alfred’s Bed Head”.
It is widely known that the ginger pigmentation within the folicular scroflambulator is a direct result of that which is more commonly found within the Orangutan species. The pigment itself is made of 2-3-HydroButaFluoride, whose chemical property is that it takes in natural light and converts it through a series of photosynthetic reactions into an orangy glow, a side affect of which is heat. Individuals whose hair contains high levels of this chemical are able to induce spontaneous reactions in inanimate objects; the mose common spectacle of which is lighting a cigarette.
But enough of the science behind Ginger people, our intent is to discover their heritage. It is a common misconception that the first experiment into red hair produced Anne Robinson as a result. This is quite simply not true. Anne was merely a product of genetics, ginger hair can be traced back long before Anne Robinson. Indeed, evidence was recently discovered in Turkey of an English knight on his way to the crusades called Sir Gingalot
However, although this is the earliest known dated evidence found, scientists believe that there is a great possibility that red headed people pre-date even this. There are several theories which support this argument, the most popular being the Neo-Ginger-Zoic era, which took place shortly before the bronze age. It is believed that defective pig ointment may have been eaten which caused globular-combolysis within the stomach of the eater, a very rare and debilitating disease which causes paralysis of the right testicle and causes tumors in the GeorgeClooney gland in the brain (the gland which secrets natural hair dyes).
Of course, with every mystery, there are always fanatics who will take the view that aliens brought the genetic capability of ginger hair to the human race, but these are widely viewed to be eccentric and most scientists agree that this is rather unlikely. It is for this reason that we will not cover these theories in this article, we are only dealing in facts here. FACT!
